Rules That Guys Wish Girls Knew…

http://www.robf.de/Blabla/english–Rules_that_guys_wished_girls_knew.html

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down.
3. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
   if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an
   answer you don’t want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don’t ask him what he’s thinking about unless you are prepared
   to discuss such topics as the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like
   every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the
    tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to
    like it.
16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and
    your Dad probably is too.
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
18. No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark
    anniversaries on a calendar.
19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from
    point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think
    we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
    with your dress?
21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
23. Your Mom DOESN’T have to be our best friend.
24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25. Check your own oil.
26. Don’t give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz
    together.
29. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an
    argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
    the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
32. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know
    what we’re missing by being with you.
34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want
    it done – not both.
35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
    commercials.
36. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.
38. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like
    you do.

“It’s Great to Be a Man…”

http://www.robf.de/Blabla/english–It_s_great_to_be_a_man.html

• Damn, it’s great to be a man
• Your last name stays put
• The garage is all yours
• Wedding plans take care of themselves
• Chocolate is just another snack
• You can wear a white t-shirt to a water park
• Car mechanics tell you the truth
• You don’t give a crap if nobody notices your new haircut
• The world is your urinal
• You never have to drive to another gas station because this one’s just too icky
• Same work – more pay
• Wrinkles add character
• Wedding dress $5000: Tux rental $100
• People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them
• The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected
• New shoes don’t cut, blister or mangle your feet
• One mood – all the time
• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds
• A two week vacation requires only one suitcase
• You can open all your own jars
• Dry cleaners and hair stylists don’t rob you blind
• You can kill your own food
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
• Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack
• If you are 34 and single, nobody notices
• Everything on your face stays its original color
• You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat
• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough
• You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt
• You are unable to see the wrinkles in your clothes
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades
• You don’t have to shave below your neck
• Your belly hides your big hips
• One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color all seasons
• You can do your nails with a pocketknife
• You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache
• You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives December 24th, in 45 minutes
• it’s Great to be a Man!!!

15 Differences Between Guys and Girls

http://www.boundless.org/regulars/list_guy/a0000829.html

1. Even though a guy has 50% more brute strength than a girl, she is able to withstand higher temperatures than he can.

    

2. A girl has a larger stomach, kidneys, liver, and appendix than a guy, but she has smaller lungs, thus giving her less breathing capacity than a guy. 
3. The right hemisphere of guys’ brains are better developed, therefore they are more visual, mathematic, exploring, more sex oriented, and commit most violent crime. Girls, though, have the left hemisphere more developed and are therefore more verbal, communicative, sensitive, and more prone to phobias and depression. 
4. Guys use restrooms solely for biological reasons — to drain their bladder. Girls, on the other hand, use restrooms as social lounges. Guys will never speak a word or make eye contact with others they don’t know there. But girls who’ve never even met will, by the time they’re finished, leave laughing out loud together like old friends. 
5. When the restaurant check comes, each of the guys will throw big bills out on the table to supposedly pay for the tab. When the check comes for the girls, each will get out her calculator to verify the total and figure her down-to-the-penny part. 
6. All week, a girl will thoughtfully make an extensive list of things to purchase at the store and when she arrives, she walks directly from item to item, comparing prices and coupons. When the frig is empty and starting to grow things, a guy will just show up at the closest store and start cruising up and down every aisle, throwing in his basket anything that looks appealing. Even though his cart is jam-packed, he will try to butt in the 10 items-or-less checkout line. 
7. A guy has five items in his bathroom — a razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, a toothbrush, and towel from Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical girl’s bathroom is reported to be as high as 437, the majority of which a guy couldn’t even tell what they are or used for. 
8. When a girl says she will be ready in five minutes, she’s using the same meaning of time as when a guy says the football game has just five minutes left to play. Neither the guy nor the girl is counting time-outs, commercials, or replays! 
9. A girl believes that visitors will be impressed by a clean house. A guy believes the visitors will be impressed by his large stereo. 
10. Guys don’t decorate their handwriting, they just chicken-scratch. Girls will pull out their scented, color coordinated stationary and use ridiculously large circles, hearts, and loops to finish off their “i’s”, “p’s”, and “g’s.” It is a real hassle to read a letter from a girl. Even when she is dumping a guy, she’ll finish it off with a smiley face at the end! 
11. If a girl is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Guys, of course, consider this to be a sign of weakness. A guy will never stop and ask for directions. They will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, “Looks like I’ve found a new way to get there,” and, “I know I’m in the neighborhood. I recognize that Ace hardware store.” 
12. With the exception of female bodybuilders who call each other names like “Ultimate Pecs” and “Big Turk,” women disdain the use of nicknames. If Amber, Suzanne, Katherine, and Natalie get together for lunch, they will call each other Amber, Suzanne, Katherine, and Natalie. But if Mike, Dave, Rob, and Aron go out on the town, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut-Brain, and Yard-Dart. 
13. A girl worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a guy never worries about the future until he gets a wife. 
14. A girl marries a guy expecting him to change, but he usually doesn’t. A guy marries a girl thinking she will always be the same — and, of course, she isn’t. 
15. Girls love cats. Guys say they love cats, but when girls aren’t looking, they kick cats.